At 45, a Kashmiri homemaker who spent more than two decades raising three children says motherhood reshaped every aspect of her life, from personal ambition to daily survival, reflecting the largely undocumented experiences of women who sustained households through economic hardship and political unrest in the region.

Speaking during an interview conducted on International Mother’s Day, she described a life marked by early marriage, domestic responsibility and long-term sacrifice. Married at the age of 19, she said she had been employed at an endowment institution before her marriage, but was later unable to continue working after entering her husband’s household.

Her account illustrates the social realities faced by many women in conservative and rural communities across Jammu and Kashmir during the 1990s and early 2000s, where marriage often ended formal employment opportunities for women despite educational qualifications or work experience.

“I was young when I got married,” she said. “After marriage, my responsibilities changed completely.”

According to her account, the family lived in conditions of financial hardship during the early years of marriage. She worked alongside extended family members in agricultural fields while simultaneously caring for her first child. She recalled carrying the infant with her while working outdoors, relying on assistance from female relatives during long working hours.

The woman said motherhood altered her emotional priorities soon after the birth of her first child. “My love shifted from my family toward my first child,” she said, describing motherhood as a transition that demanded constant emotional and physical commitment.

Her eldest child, who conducted the interview, described her as the “cornerstone” of the family and credited her with sustaining household stability despite economic limitations. The family marks 24 years since she became a mother.

Throughout those years, she remained a full-time homemaker, managing domestic responsibilities that included childcare, cooking, maintaining the household and supporting her husband’s work schedule. The family home eventually expanded into a 10-room residence, which she continues to maintain largely on her own, according to the interview.

Despite never returning to formal employment, she continued informal educational engagement within the household. Fluent in Urdu, she regularly read Urdu moral literature and narrated stories to her children, using them as a tool for discipline and moral instruction.

Her children said those stories became central to their upbringing and helped shape their understanding of behaviour, honesty and family responsibility. “She taught us good habits through stories,” her child said during the interview.One memory recalled during the conversation involved a school morning when a child had forgotten to polish shoes before leaving home.

According to the account, she cleaned the shoes herself using her scarf so the child could attend school properly dressed.The episode, though minor, was presented by family members as representative of the routine, largely invisible labour performed by mothers within households.

Across South Asia, domestic work performed by women remains economically unrecognised despite contributing substantially to household functioning and caregiving structures, according to multiple studies by development agencies and labour economists.

In Kashmir, women have historically played dual roles in both domestic and agricultural sectors, particularly in rural districts where families depended on subsistence farming and seasonal labour. The woman interviewed said she frequently balanced field work with domestic responsibilities during the family’s most financially difficult years.

She also linked her experience of motherhood to the wider political instability in Kashmir. Having lived through decades of unrest in the region, she said she deliberately chose neutrality and restraint while focusing on protecting her household from the psychological strain of conflict.

“Being calm was important,” she said. “There was already enough unrest outside.”

The family described her approach as disciplined and emotionally controlled, even during periods of stress. Her child said she learned over time “to fight, not flight,” a phrase used to describe her ability to endure personal difficulties without withdrawing from family responsibilities.

Her physical appearance now reflects years of labour and age, according to the interview. Grey hair and visible wrinkles have appeared, yet her routine remains physically demanding. Family members said she continues to work daily in the kitchen garden, prepare meals, iron clothes and organise household tasks for the family.

“She still works continuously,” her child said. “Even today she handles the house, takes care of our father and prepares everything for us.”

The interview also addressed changing definitions of women’s empowerment in contemporary Indian society. While public discussions around empowerment often focus on education, employment and financial independence, the family argued that domestic labour and caregiving should also be recognised within those conversations.

“Empowerment is not only moving outside the home,” her child said. “It is also about how a woman turns a house into a home.”

The statement reflects an ongoing debate within Indian social discourse about the visibility and valuation of unpaid domestic work. According to data from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) and Indian time-use surveys, women in India spend substantially more hours on unpaid household labour than men, particularly in rural regions.

In this case, the woman’s contribution remained centred inside the household rather than through salaried employment. Yet family members said her role shaped the educational and moral foundation of all three children.

Although the children said they have not yet fully achieved their professional goals, they credited their upbringing and discipline to their mother’s consistency and guidance. “The morals she provided are difficult to explain,” her child said. “She is extraordinary.”

The woman’s life also reflects generational patterns among Kashmiri mothers who came of age before broader educational and employment opportunities became accessible to women in many parts of the region. While literacy and school participation among women in Jammu and Kashmir improved significantly over the past two decades, many women from earlier generations remained confined largely to domestic roles after marriage.

Despite those limitations, the woman interviewed said she never viewed motherhood solely as sacrifice. Instead, she described it as continuous work requiring patience, emotional control and adaptation.

“There were times we were hurt by our children,” she said. “But with time, I learned how to handle everything.”

Her account suggests an understanding of motherhood rooted less in idealism than endurance. Rather than describing dramatic events, she focused on repetitive daily responsibilities that accumulated over decades: preparing meals, managing finances during periods of poverty, caring for children during illness and maintaining emotional stability inside the household.

The interview concluded without expressions of regret regarding the opportunities she lost after marriage. Instead, she described satisfaction in seeing her children raised with education, discipline and social values.

Within the household, family members said she remains the central organising force even as the children enter adulthood. Her work, though informal and unpaid, continues to structure the family’s daily life.

“She made the house feel like heaven,” her child said.